Note from 2022 Rachel, I wish I still had these.

$14.95 sale, I can’t resist your charms. Purchased!

Source: neonlightthatsplitthenight-blog

The Car Crusher - Emails from an Asshole

Classified Ad (Jeff): i need my 89 dodge shadow towed to a car crusher asap. there are a few crushers in the area so get at me with a price and contact info

Respondent (Mike): Hello, Do you still need your car crushed? -Mike

Jeff: yes

Mike: Well Jeff, how would you like to have your car crushed by a REAL LIVE MONSTER TRUCK?! That’s right, for only $20 you can witness the ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION AND CARNAGE of your 1989 Dodge Shadow being CRUSHED INTO OBLIVION!!! Our CHEVY KILLVERADO is bringin’ the pain on top of 66 inches of DOOM-BRINGING TIRES and will leave your car COMPLETELY ANNIHILATED. Please let me know when you are ready to BRING ON THE DESTRUCTION! -Mike

Jeff: are you serious

Mike: YOU BET YOUR ASS I’M SERIOUS! The only question is, are you serious about your car being SERIOUSLY SMASHED INTO SMITHEREENS?! -Mike

Jeff: is it being crushed at a demolition derby or something?

Mike: No! You will have the honor of witnessing it being obliterated, LIVE AND IN PERSON, right in your front yard! No unnecessary travel to a stadium - stadiums are for PUSSIES! -Mike

Jeff: why the hell would i want to do that? then id have a pile of shit in my lawn that would be even harder to get rid of

Mike: No need to worry about cleanup! The Killverado will PULVERIZE YOUR CAR INTO A PILE OF DUST!

Jeff: no it wont. are you an idiot?

Mike: Do not underestimate the DESTRUCTIVE POWER of the KILLVERADO! Tell you what, if you decide to do it in the next ten minutes, your kids can witness the devastation for JUST FIVE DOLLARS. YOU’D HAVE TO BE A PUSSY TO TURN THIS OFFER DOWN! -Mike

Jeff: no id have to be a retard to let some idiot come run over my car with his stupid truck! what the hell wrong with you? dont email me again ya jackass!

–

Note from 2022 Rachel: Most of these just annoy me in 2022, the guy comes off like a real asshole now. But I know I loved them at the time.

The reason you haven’t felt it is because it doesn’t exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You’re born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I’m living like there’s no tomorrow, because there isn’t one.

-Don Draper

Clowns scare me still.

Source unknown

a GPOYW installment.