How I Spent My Summer Vacation
I havenât posted anything in a while, because I havenât been doing anything. Itâs summer vacation madness over here, which, due to my lack of hours at work, mostly means I am lying around and marathoning TV shows. I have devoured 30 Rock, The Sarah Silverman Program, Family Guy,Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared, and am now moving on to Party Down, Deadwood, and Mad Men. All while intermittently watching fansubbed episodes of Sailor Moon and ordering hilarious T-Shirts off the internet.
Such is my life, potentially my last real summer vacation before I head off to law school. I picture my summers during law school as hellish frenzies of part-time work at menial jobs, crying over the fact that I am cripplingly poor, and backpacking through Europe. So I have taken this opportunity to really treat this summer as if it were my high school dream vacation - lazing around in sweat pants watching too much TV, hanging out with friends until 4am, ODâing on the internet, and playing video games.
âThatâs right, ladies: when a man doesnât call you after a date, itâs probably because he canât deal with how intense his feelings for you are. Itâs all detailed in my new dating advice book, Heâs Just Into You So Very, Very Much That He Doesnât Know How To Express It. These sorts of plot developments explain why Mary Worth isnât more widely read: itâs too raw, too real.â
I <3 when Josh reads comics for me.
Management Speak: âTake More Initiativeâ
Translation: Do other peopleâs jobs.
Without any training.
Or authority.
And donât step on any toes.
Also read minds to know whose job you need to usurp.
Donât worry who gets the credit.
Youâll be blamed.
GPOYSunday? hanging out in a Spa Robe. Nothinâ says âday offâ like a Spa Robe. (And Eyeliner? I guess? -2022 Rachel)
Note from 2022 Rachel, I wish I still had these.
$14.95 sale, I canât resist your charms. Purchased!
The Car Crusher - Emails from an Asshole
Classified Ad (Jeff): i need my 89 dodge shadow towed to a car crusher asap. there are a few crushers in the area so get at me with a price and contact info
Respondent (Mike): Hello, Do you still need your car crushed? -Mike
Jeff: yes
Mike: Well Jeff, how would you like to have your car crushed by a REAL LIVE MONSTER TRUCK?! Thatâs right, for only $20 you can witness the ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION AND CARNAGE of your 1989 Dodge Shadow being CRUSHED INTO OBLIVION!!! Our CHEVY KILLVERADO is bringinâ the pain on top of 66 inches of DOOM-BRINGING TIRES and will leave your car COMPLETELY ANNIHILATED. Please let me know when you are ready to BRING ON THE DESTRUCTION! -Mike
Jeff: are you serious
Mike: YOU BET YOUR ASS IâM SERIOUS! The only question is, are you serious about your car being SERIOUSLY SMASHED INTO SMITHEREENS?! -Mike
Jeff: is it being crushed at a demolition derby or something?
Mike: No! You will have the honor of witnessing it being obliterated, LIVE AND IN PERSON, right in your front yard! No unnecessary travel to a stadium - stadiums are for PUSSIES! -Mike
Jeff: why the hell would i want to do that? then id have a pile of shit in my lawn that would be even harder to get rid of
Mike: No need to worry about cleanup! The Killverado will PULVERIZE YOUR CAR INTO A PILE OF DUST!
Jeff: no it wont. are you an idiot?
Mike: Do not underestimate the DESTRUCTIVE POWER of the KILLVERADO! Tell you what, if you decide to do it in the next ten minutes, your kids can witness the devastation for JUST FIVE DOLLARS. YOUâD HAVE TO BE A PUSSY TO TURN THIS OFFER DOWN! -Mike
Jeff: no id have to be a retard to let some idiot come run over my car with his stupid truck! what the hell wrong with you? dont email me again ya jackass!
â
Note from 2022 Rachel: Most of these just annoy me in 2022, the guy comes off like a real asshole now. But I know I loved them at the time.
