You Lack Bread

Stranger: You are in a room with exits north and south. There is a table with a piece of paper on it. What do you do?

You: doodle on the paper for a bit.

Stranger: You have no pen.

You: i always have a sharpie.

Stranger: You pull your trusty Sharpie out of your pocket and doodle some rabbits on the paper.

Stranger: The original writing is now obscured by fluffy tails.

You: cool. now i think i’ll take a nap.

Stranger: You lie down on the carpet and close your eyes.

You: snooze

Stranger: Time passes.

Stranger: Soon, you wake up, feeling well-rested, but sore.

You: i have to pee. is there a bathroom or a chamber pot or something around?

Stranger: You look around, but find nothing.

You: sigh. i guess i’ll go out the north exit in search of a toilet.

Stranger: You walk through north exit. Inside, you find a fridge with a toaster duct-taped to the side.

You: sweet! does it make toast?

Stranger: The toaster appears to work.

You: awesome. then i’ll play with it by shooting the toast across the room.

Stranger: You lack bread. However, to amuse yourself, you press the lever and listen as it springs up.

You: why do i always lack bread? dammit, i knew i should’ve got some when i was at the store.

Stranger: Well, when we knocked you out and brought you here, we took away all bread you had.

You: you bastards.

You: is there any food in the fridge?

Stranger: Inside the fridge, you find some bread, a stick of butter, and a frozen leprechaun.

You: SO I DON’T LACK BREAD AFTER ALL.

Stranger: Well, now you don’t.

You: i’ll make a leprechaun sandwich on toast.

Stranger: You toast the bread and place the leprechaun in between the slices.

Stranger: Leprechaun sandwich had been added to INVENTORY.

via: http://popurls.com/go/omegleconversations.com/l1d24c2474b1e3e78bac99481180c45be [url no longer active, not archived]

People have claimed for centuries that they know when the Rapture is coming, but this time, someone’s finally got it right. They even have billboards and bumper stickers to prove it! The billboards are produced by supporters of a Christian network called Family Radio Inc., and they’ve set up a website to spread the Good Word, WeCanKnow.com. … But how do they really know? Because Family Radio’s founder, Harold Camping, says so. From The Tennessean:

“According to Camping’s prediction, the Rapture will happen exactly 7,000 years from the date that God first warned people about the flood. …

Since one day equals 1,000 years for God, that means there was a 7,000-year interval between the flood and rapture.”

Ugh. 

Save the Date: Jesus Is Coming in May!

Ever want to know who the coolest ladies in cinema are? Well you’re in luck.

(This screen cap can’t capture the joy of the embedded midis and sparkly .gifs.)

Caught on Google Earth

omg amazing Superhero Cupcakes!

“Daria, do you have to look at everything in such a negative light?”

“Could you possibly be referring to the harsh light of reality?”

there’s really no denying that this was the year that the plaid-clad ones became a certifiable meme

“From the roots of blogs like Hipster Runoff and Look At This Fking Hipster sprung a whole genre of Internet culture devoted to poking fun at “the hipster.” See: _Unhappy Hipster_s, Hipster Puppies, Hipster Wife Hunting,If Superheroes Were Hipsters, Hipster Dating, and, of course, corporate America’s attempt at getting in on the game: How Much Hipster Can You Fit in a Jazz?”

5 Magnificent Memes [Mashable Awards]

The only thing you can do now, the only religious thing you can do, is act. Act for God, if you want to— be God’s actress, if you want to. What could be prettier? You can at least try to, if you want to —there’s nothing wrong in trying.“ There was a slight pause. “You’d better get busy, though, buddy. The goddam sands run out on you every time you turn around. I know what I’m talking about. You’re lucky if you get time to sneeze in this goddam phenomenal world.”

As Nietzsche spoke, so too Salinger. (from Franny and Zooey)

Slave to Technology shirt on Shirt.Woot!

The general rule of law is, that the noblest of human productions - knowledge, truths ascertained, conceptions, and ideas - become, after voluntary communication to others, free as the air to common use.

Justice Brandeis, Dissenting; International News Service v. The Associated Press, United States Supreme Court (1917)

Would Eat Carb-Salt-Fat bar

Whenever I’m writing a paper there are two albums I can’t get enough of

Whenever I’m writing a paper there are two albums I can’t get enough of: The Shepherd’s Dog, by Iron & Wine, and Wincing the Night Away, by the Shins. I become obsessed with these albums whenever I’m working. I couldn’t tell you why, but playing them back to back on a loop is how I have written every paper since my third year of undergrad. At this point the association with essay writing is so strong that I can’t listen to them if I’m not working, or I start to feel like I’m procrastinating.

via popurls

‎Handshakes seem innocent, but what are knuckles but finger boobs?

Stephen Colbert on Michelle Obama’s “indecent” handshake with an Indonesian minister

This is not bacon, via Shirt.Woot!

Mr. Peanut’s New Look? Old School (Published 2010)