How to make a salad that terrifies people who like salad.
Iâm sure youâve seen this [shit girls say] by now. (If not, please watch it.) Cami and I watched it a dozen or so times before we went out for sushi on Saturday night, and everything that came out of our mouths sounded exactly like that actor. At one point Cami sat there gazing off at the chefs behind the counter, and while twisting her hair she said, âSushi is so pretty!â I have said nothing but that ever since.
-Dooce
The Power of Resolutions
As part of my fitness plan for the New Year (read: do any fitness), I decided to walk to school at least three times a week. Iâll save money AND Iâll get more exercise, I thought! (Any exercise is more than none.)
Here is the breakdown of how this plan has gone my first two weeks back to school:
Day 1 - Wake up at 8am; must leave house in 50 mins. Forget why I thought walking for a half an hour in -12°C was a good idea. Decide to give myself a âday offâ. Drive to school. Pay $21 for parking. Curse self. Resolve to walk tomorrow.
Day 2 - Wake up at 7am; must leave house in 50 mins. Decide that any money is worth an extra 45mins of sleep. Go back to sleep. 45mins later, wake up and offer friend a ride to school so I donât feel guilty. Decide to drive home between classes and walk back after lunch. Pay $8 to park for morning. Drive home at lunch. Eat lunch. Feel sleepy. Check that temperature is still -15°C. Drive back to school. Pay $8 to park for afternoon. Curse self.
Day 3 - Wake up at 10am; must leave house in 2hrs 20mins. Have leisurely morning in bed with breakfast and internet. Decide to have a shower. Realize it is already twenty past twelve. Decide hygiene is more important than fitness. Drive to school. Pay $10 to park for afternoon. Curse self.
Day 4 - Wake up at 9am feeling groggy and do not attempt to walk to school. Find cheap parking for morning and feel slightly better about self. Drive home at lunch, intending to walk back to school. Have a nap and almost miss second class instead. Do not curse self, but instead feel good about napping.
Day 5 - Class at 8:30am; decide I do not have to walk when class starts at 8:30am, since leaving the house before 8am is ungodly. Offer friend a ride. Friend makes fun of me for not walking all week. Resolve to walk next week.
Day 6 - Temperatures continue to drop. Curse self for living more than 4 mins from the school. Contemplate suicide. Realize I own a car and am not forced to walk. Celebrate life and automobiles by driving to school and finding cheap parking. Rejoice.
Days 7 through 10 - Continue to celebrate life by driving to school. Every so often notice that my ipod has a pedometer, and feel guilty when steps still register at â0â. Make concerted effort not to look at pedometer. Feel better about self.
Of course, now itâs Sunday. Itâs sweating hot in my apartment, although currently -11°C outside; Iâm comfortable on my couch with my laptop, and this comfort is making me feel once again like I am totally able to walk to school. I will continue to document my struggle with walking half an hour (each way!) as the week continues.
In Which I Am a Grownup
Sometimes I get canât help but get excited by my own grownup-type productivity. I go to the grocery store. I wash the dishes. I do the laundry. I pay my bills. I make a real pasta dinner with actual noodles and actual sauce (yes, from a bottle, but still very grownup, not even a little bit Kraft Dinner). And then I go and play Paper Mario for four hours.
Yup.
Grownup.
Donât know how to feel when my list of people who are âsimilarâ to me arenât people I would necessarily consider âsimilarâ to each other.
On Batman and Hookers
Me: Batman only knows where Sally works. Sheâs special.
Adam: I believe Batman knows where all the hookers at. âWhere all the hookers at,â one might ask. âI will show you,â Batman would say.
This lead to a discussion on the pluralization of âhoâ, which apparently is a matter of some debate.
2022 note: I have no idea what this was and all the links are dead.
Whoa, meta.
(Google Reader opened in Grumlâs browser.)
âWe see the emerging opportunity to âsnackifyâ beverages and âdrinkifyâ snacks as the next frontier in food and beverage convenience,â Ms. Nooyi said. ⌠Mehmood Khan, a former Mayo Clinic endocrinologist who heads PepsiCoâs nutrition group, said in an interview that itâs outdated to think that snacks are dry and beverages are wet. âConsumers donât wake up in the morning and say, âIâm going to have a whole grain; I want a dairy product,ââ Dr. Khan said. âTheyâre looking for combinations of those things.â Dr. Khan wouldnât specify what combinations might come next.
The worst thing I have ever read. Thanks, PepsiCoâs Tropolis Fruit Puree. And thanks Penny Arcade for pointing me there.
Hopping on a plane to Toronto
Then itâs a Dash (ha!) back to Kingston. Travel on New Years Day is not optimal, especially travel alone. It would be alright if there was in flight wifi, but thatâs asking for too much from Air Canada.
Am I the only one who had sort of a lame New Years Eve?
me:Â you should clarify the font and not the paper-like material.
Adam:Â Maybe I just really hate fucking pre-paper. Use regular paper, Egyptians. What, are you too good for us?
(Simple) New Years Resolutions
Note from 2022 Rachel: all the links below are dead; âboothâ is a reference to a site called the daily booth which essentially just allowed you to post selfies and nothing else.
- Write something real two or three times a week.
- Procrastinate less when I know I have work to do.
- Tweet more, tumble more, booth more.
- Keep positive (rather than just keeping calm) and carry on.
- Be internet famous.
Barbara: Is it exhausting being so awesome?
Hyperbole: Yes it is, Barbara. The weight of my awesomeness is a heavy load to bear. Itâs like wearing a backpack full of rocks and trying to run uphill as fast as I can. In the snow. And inspirational music is playing in the background, but I canât hear it because my ears are too full of my own splendor.
From Hyperbole and Half, a blog that makes me happy and brings super joy to my life. You should read it, if you donât.
